Oil and Water

I was in Tartu last weekend and an interesting thing happened on the bus ride back to Tallinn. I sat in the window seat and a Russian gentleman ended up taking the seat beside me. I knew he was Russian because I heard him speak on his mobile for a few minutes. He immediately took over the arm rest and never gave it up. That's ok, I thought at the time as only one person can use it (yes, I am Canadian - we're peacekeepers not warriors, lovers not fighters :-) ). As the drive progressed though, the man began to stretch out and slowly start to take over my side of the seat as he was getting comfortable. He just didn't seem to care about personal space or boundaries. He actually started to 'occupy' my seat as he napped. I was both amused at the irony and incredulous at this guy's lack of consideration. It got to one point where he was literally leaning against me and I started to get p*ssed off. So I elbowed him "accidently" but it had no effect. He was off in la la land, dreaming away. I elbowed him harder and that stirred him. He never looked at me but did withdraw a bit. Not as much as I liked though. I was ready for another elbow but we began to roll into the suburbs of Tallinn. When he got up to leave at the bus station, he never made eye contact with me but I was glaring at him for a bit. He got under my skin and I was still angry.

The longer I stay here in Estonia, the more amazed I am on the relationship between the Estonians and the Russians here in Tallinn. Have there ever been two sets of people so different and contrasting, living in one city? Even walking down the street, I can usually tell if they're Russian or Estonian - it is that obvious. They dress differently, their body language is different, even how they walk is at times quite different. They speak, think and act very differently, like oil and water. How do these peoples get along day-after-day, month-after-month? What will the relationship look like 50 years from now? 100 years? What about the Russians in the other former Soviet republics? Do Latvians and Russians get along better? Lithuania?

A recent student of mine said something that nearly knocked me off my seat. She said that Russia will occupy Estonia once again and it is not a question of 'if', it is a question of 'when'. Now this woman was a one-on-one student, probably in her mid to late thirties, and very intelligent & insightful. She is not one to speak unrealistically or have flights of fancy. We would have a 30 to 45 minute English lesson and then for the last few minutes, have a conversation about anything and everything. During the weeks together, our conversations hit on many interesting areas like Estonia's history, relationship with Finland and other neighboring countries, Soviet occupation, etc... On this particular afternoon, I had read somewhere where Estonia had sent some soldiers to Iraq. Me, being a proud Canadian and therefore anti-George Bush by definition, asked why the heck is Estonia in Iraq? Her answer was logical and well thought out. Paraphrasing, she said:

"We need to solidify our bond with the US and get into NATO. This will delay the Russians coming back into the Baltics. But make no mistake, the Russians will return because they will never become a good, well behaved democratic society, it is not in their blood. I know Russians, I grew up with them and some are my friends. I know how they think. They are conquerors, that is what they do. I just hope my children and my grandchildren are gone before this happens."

It was a very sobering afternoon for me once what she said, began to sink in. How depressing to think this way, that your freedom may be temporary. I wonder how many others share her opinion?

There is a simmering undercurrent of resentment in the proud and dignified Estonian culture, but it is not apparent because that is not the Estonian way. I already knew this from my upbinging, and it has been confirmed over the last few months with every Estonian I speak to. The relationship between the Russians and Estonians is very complex. There are Estonians who grew up with Russians and now consider them among their best friends. There are Estonians who helped the Russians during the occupation, and now have to deal with their past actions. There are countless Estonians who lost relatives and loved ones during the occupation - either sent off to Siberia or worse... And how does one forget/forgive/reconcile that over the years? How does one NOT get angry, especially after years of repression? Then, there's the prevailing Russian attitude, who refuses to learn any of the Estonian language or even try to integrate themselves into the Estonian culture. For today's Russians, it is simply not important. I think of the gentleman I saw a few weeks back, strutting around town wearing his "CCCP" jacket with no consideration of how Estonians feel about it. He just didn't give a rat's a$$.

For so many years, these Estonians were not allowed to express themselves in public, in the guarded Soviet Republic. It became the norm to accept the injustices and repression, to get through the day and hope for a free Estonia one day. And now, when they are completely free - they still don't speak up or speak out. The Russians still strut around town in their way while the Estonians continue to be quiet and reserved, demonstrating acceptance and tolerance. On the inside though, there are major storms happening. How can there not be? Perhaps, this is another reason why Estonia is fifth in the world in the suicide rate?

Shallow brooks babble - still waters run deep.