Who am I?

Well, I guess I should talk about my origins, sort of a way of introducing myself...

I'm one of two sons from immigrant Estonian parents, who came to Canada in 1950 after the war. Estonia, for those who don't know, is a Baltic country along with Lithuania and Latvia. They are located in northeast Europe, near Finland and Sweden. During the war (i.e. WWII), the Baltic countries were taken over by the Soviet Union, then Germany, and finally the Soviets, who held on to them until about 1992, when they gained sovereignty once again. The Baltic countries have recently been accepted into the European Union. Sadly, my parents never saw the events of these days.

My parents were hard working, no nonesense folks who built a good life in Toronto, Canada. They, unlike my whiny generation, know what hard work is all about. They did what they had to do without fanfare or tributes. I am fiercely proud of my blue collar roots and of my parents. And not a day goes by that I don't think of their sacrifices, pride and the quiet dignity in which they carried out their lives. If the opportunity arises, I hope to head to Estonia to teach English in a way of honouring my parents and my heritage.

It's funny how some things change through a lifetime of living. Here I am, a first generation Canadian, now in my mid-fourties, suddenly wanting to honour the country where my parents are from. Up to this point, I have more or less rejected my Estonian heritage because I always wanted to be a Canadian first and foremost. Canada is, afterall, the country I was born in. Estonia, has always belonged to my parents and their identity, not to me. This is not me trying to be cruel, just how I honestly saw things. To put it another way, I always saw Estonia as the tired old past and Canada as the fresh new future - my future. I think this is not an unusual phenomena for first generation children, as they want their own identity, and not their parents'.

So what has changed in me over the recent years, to make me want to honour my ancestry, and not reject it any longer? Is it a function of age and maturity? Does it have something to do with my realization that I'm mortal? That one day I will be gone and I need to honour my legacy and pay tribute to my past? Yes, there might be some truth in that. Perhaps, another chip at play is that younger people tend to be obssessed on themselves, constantly asking the question - 'Who am I?'. They focus primarily on today and perhaps a little on the future with some trepidation. To me, the answer of 'who am I' has much to do with the past, as it does with today and tomorrow. And it's an never-ending search as we constantly change and live many chapters in our book of life. You might know who you are today, but you may not recognize yourself tomorrow - and thank god for that, I say. Because, isn't that what life is all about? Growth.... Change... Realizations.... Risks... Out with the old and in with the new...? A book with only one chapter is, well, a phonebook. Great for looking up a number, crap for a page turner.

Anyways, interesting questions to ponder...