Identity

The concept of identity has always fascinated me. It's part and parcel to the bigger question of 'who am I?'. What you choose to associate with, will define you to others by drawing conclusions based on their life experiences. Just as important, is what you don't associate with, or no longer associate with, speaks volumes about you, and of where you are in life.

So, I collect hockey cards as an adult. What image does that suggest? Perhaps you picture a guy with glasses in his underwear, pouring over plastic sheets of his prized cards? Maybe he's constantly hounding retired hockeys players at card signing shows, or sticks around after a game waiting by the team bus to get an autograph. Perhaps a deeper meaning is in play, of a man who never grew up, shunning responsibility all his life, and unable to let go of his childhood?
Lets' try another... Over the last few years, I really got into jazz music. What image does that conjure up? Hanging around Starbucks, shaking his head side to side to some disjointed music, being sooo cool that his crap doesn't smell? Then there's the sax player in high school who was never quite good enough, but stays faithful to the art as if he belongs to it. Maybe he becomes an expert on jazz and can talk your ear off at parties about the life and times of Dexter Gordan and Miles Davis.

If I say I just love cheesy 70s music, I bet the image of an overwieght, middle aged family guy with some boring accounting job, living in the 'burbs might spring to mind. Funny, Homer Simpson just popped into my mind. For me, I would never admit to liking Barry Manilow or the Bee Gees back in the 70s (for fear of getting beat up or worse, laughed at), but now I really don't give a hoot what people think. Perhaps - you arrive at a point in your life -when you simply just stop caring what others think of you and your Manilow fetish. That realization - is also part of an ever changing identity.

Sometimes we get into something because we want that to be a part of our identity. I became a big brother a few years ago because the commercials of the 'winner' guy bowling with the kids, was something I wanted. Caring, sensitive, fun, etc... Hell, I thought it was a great way to get girls! So I thought my identity needed that particular ingredient. Besides, it was making the world a better place, right? Hell, my approval rating with family and friends went higher... In the end, it didn't work out - probably because I really didn't want to be a big brother after all, although I did stick it out for the required 1-year commitment. Teenagers can be so whiny!

So, having said all that, this is part of my identity:

- I am a confirmed Toronto Maple Leaf fan and Dave Keon is my all-time boyhood hero.
- Musically, I am a diehard Chicago fan (i.e. the original line up). If 25 or 6 to 4 is playing on my car radio, there is a good chance I will get a speeding ticket (though unlikely as I drive a power-challenged Honda Civic :-)).
- My favourite kind of vacation is the roadtrip in my Honda with no one else. I am most at peace on the open road, surrounded by good music, my thoughts driving late into the evening.
- I love being in a proper sports bar with great chicken wings, a frosty pint of beer and a good game on the big screen.
- I love shooting stick (i.e. pool/billiards) with my pals, especially when I get in a good groove.
- I love the energy of cities - I especially like walking around the streets NYC, SF, Toronto, London, Paris, Montreal, New Orleans, Taipei and Las Vegas.
- I love the excitment of casinos, poker and horse racing.
- I hate hip hop and rap music with a passion.
- I have always been drawn to humour - early on my favourite sources of yuks were the great Red Skelton and the old Dick Van Dyke show. Later, George Carlin and David Letterman caught my imagination. Today, I find the 'comedy landscape' quite bleak with the notable exception of the Daily Show with Jon Stewart.
- I get turned on by little acts of kindness from people in their daily grinds - like a bus driver waiting for a latecomer, a driver letting someone in and a wave of appreciation from the other driver, a nice person giving up a seat on the bus for an elderly lady and a warm thank you from said person.
- I consider myself spiritual but not religious. I believe in god but I don't need nor want a church to practice my spirituality. My relationship with god is an ongoing, often difficult but deeply personal process. Further, I believe ones own life should dictate their faith to them, and no one else. So if this means you are an atheist, devout Christian or just not sure yet - go ahead and boogie to your own disco tune and I'll boogie to mine. Rock on.
- I love collecting old hockey cards, and hope to become a stamp collecter later in life.
- I love listening to Barry Manilow, Bee Gees and Jazz music (Hah!).
- I believe that life is choices - whether you see them or not. You are responsible for your actions, your conduct and your happiness. If your insides are hurting and congested, your outside world will be hurting and congested as well. If you see yourself as a victom - it is by choice, not circumstance.
- I refuse to watch reality shows.
- I believe Oprah is starting a nation of super-women that will kick all our asses one day.
- I'm a sucker for court room dramas.
- I am 44 years old. I have never been married. I don't believe I am gay (not that there's anything wrong with that:-)). Draw whatever conclusions you may.
- I spent years in the hitech industry on several projects in many capacities, from product tester to software designer to team leader/manager to project manager. I have been laid off 3 times in my career.
- I have recently spent a year in Taiwan teaching English to Taiwanese children, and am currently an ESL teacher in Toronto, Canada.
- I love Hungarian Goulash, Estonian cabbage soup and spicy veal sandwiches.

This is who I am.

Cheers!
Martin.