Pride, Prestige and Cast Iron Mouldings

I've been spending my days at the Toronto Reference Library at Yonge and Bloor - plowing through countless "career-change" books, staring into open space, and taking long walks back to my flat.... all in an attempt to try to free up my mind. Perhaps I should take a page out of John Lennon's book - when he wanted to free up his mind, he certainly wasn't at the library unless his latest 'trip' took him there. Hmmm, anyone have Cheech & Chong on their speed dial?

And why am I trying to free up my mind? Because I want out. I want to break open the cast iron molding that surrounds my thought processes. I want to be free ... You see, I want change. I want to reinvent myself, you know - a do-over. I want to live in universe where I am not who I was.

I want to be Spock with a beard.


That's how I feel.... on this date - November 19... 2009... 14:08:34.... PM... EST ...


I will be very happy if at the end of this process, I don't experience any more ....

• Corporate culture
• Endless shades of beige office cubicles, carpeting, and walls
• Of the same conversations over and over and over again
• Of the same archtypes on every project, in every kitchen, in every hallway
• Of a world where technology's devine and people are just the worshipers
• One upmanship projects
• Weak office coffee

That's the uncomfortable space I'm squirming in this week.

Over the next while, I want to force myself to remain in this space and think ... think ... think ... about the last 15 years... the last 3 years ... the last 1.5 years ... and about the next few years ... Because you never really have the opportunity to do this while you're head is down, sweating away earning a buck.... At one point, my internal buzzer will ring, and it'll be time to move forward again... And I will. But until such time.... I'm in limbo ... and taking full advantage of it.

In figuring out my path forward, there's quite an interesting mix of emotions and thoughts and fears vying for my attention:

• My resume - my past skills - what I know - my experience
• What excites me - my interests - my passions
• The "Life is Short" principle
• The Pride & Prestige factor
• My responsibility to my aging uncle, brother, etc...
• The adult in me - to be smart not foolish
• My right to be happy and live life on my own terms
• My age -> my legacy -> my retirement
• I'll be a home owner soon

Seriously, no one has Cheech & Chong's number?

... To be continued.