Bitter

Rant Alert

This is an entry I don’t want to write … but need to.

Last week, a young colleague at work quite innocently asked me what it’s like being a Project Manager.

Talk about a land mine.

I started to tell her, but caught myself before too much came out. Have you ever tried to stop a volcano from erupting? Not easy I assure you.

Heading home on the crowded bus that night I realized something disturbing and ugly – I am bitter.

• I’m bitter that I failed as a Project Manager. That I never felt respected by my peers, by the groups I worked with, and mostly – by my managers.
• I’m bitter that not one of my former colleagues reached out to me after. The silence made it unanimous.
• I’m bitter that many of my former PM colleagues are still there and doing quite well.
• I’m bitter at my former manager, the person who fired me, and how he has been promoted since.
• I’m bitter that I need to take the crowded TTC bus to work every morning because my current salary is half of what I used to make.

I am so bitter when I look back. And it hurts. It hurts like bloody hell.

The Truth

• The truth is... I didn’t have the skillset to be a successful Project Manager (and god knows I tried).
• The truth is... my former colleagues are all good, hard working professionals who didn’t do anything wrong.
• The truth is... my former manager gave me every opportunity to succeed, and a nicer person you cannot find.
• The truth is... I’m starting out in a new career and my salary will rise over time.

And the truth is … it’s no one’s fault. No one did anything wrong, including me. Especially me. And I need to remind myself of that each day on that bus.

And as for my bitterness… I own it. It's mine. I'll give it a name and take it for walks.

This blog entry helps, too. And time ...

Thank you for your time.